Whew. This semester went by surprisingly fast.

I love writing and that was my main motivation for joining this course. I thought it would be more creative writing, but boy was I wrong. The workload was nothing to be bothered by, it was just the amount of time it took to get things done. Especially for someone who procrastinates until the last minute (aka ME!). I think I started the semester off pretty strong, but after the break I basically gave up. It took me forever to get myself to finish my researched critical analysis because I constantly put it off. This was a pretty big sign. The main thing this course taught me was DON’T PUT THINGS OFF UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE. The amount of times I stayed up writing to submit before 11:59pm is crazy. However, it taught me that I need to manage my time and thoroughly plan out my papers. I also learned about researching and analyzing my sources, which is obviously something I have to know for writing. I’m really glad I took this course because it introduced me to what an actual college course is like. Overall, im really glad I took this course.

During the process, I actually switched to two other topics; abortion and climate change. Sticking with vaccines was the best considering the fact that I wrote an entire paper about it before. Writing the paper out was the easiest part. However researching it was a different story. A lot of the information is from my exploratory analysis, but having to look for evidence anti-vaxxers was harder than I thought. You’d think seeing how many people on the news are against vaccines that I would find a credible source with accurate information as to why people shouldn’t vaccinate. A lot of the arguments made by anti-vaxxers can be easily disproved, and I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. I feel like most of the paper was just me stating what the other side believes, then disproving it with evidence. Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

I took way too long to finish this paper. There isn’t really an excuse for it, I just prioritized my school work rather than balancing out the two. I love arguing, especially with anti-vaxxers, but the process of collecting information and putting it all together for an argument was just bothersome. I’m not very proud of this paper. I feel like it was rushed (because it was) since I just wanted to turn something in. But now im pretty relieved. I don’t think the paper is bad at all though. I just wouldn’t mention it as one of my best works. That’s pretty disappointing. I feel like all works of writing should be something to be proud of. I’m just tired. But im finally done!!

In 1798, Edward Jenner made an interesting observation. At a time where smallpox was rampant, he noticed that milkmaids who had gotten the disease before did not get it again. So, he did the unthinkable. He scraped the pus of sick cows onto his family members’ skin, and luckily, they did not catch smallpox. Despite its effectiveness, he was met with outrage from people in his community. This was the birth of the anti-vaxxer movement.

Vaccines are a revolutionary medical tool . They contain weakened pathogens of a virus to trigger the body into creating antibodies. The pathogen is weak, so the antibodies disperse and memory cells store them for use if the body was to contact the illness again. Since vaccines essentially infect you with the disease, parents are allowed exemptions for their children in order to stop their child from getting vaccinated. Religious exemptions are used when receiving a vaccination is against one’s religion. Philosophical exemptions are used when a vaccine interferes with a parents’ personal beliefs. Medical exemptions are used when a child has a medical issue that prevents them from receiving a vaccination, such as children going through chemotherapy or children with autoimmune diseases. States should do away with non-medical exemptions and require parents to vaccinate their children.

The main issue with parents opting their children out of receiving vaccines is the spread of misinformation. Parents who do their own research sometimes find things that will alarm them and cause them to delay their child’s vaccination schedule, or stop their child from getting vaccines altogether. A lot of the things that raises their concern is not entirely accurate, and some arguments have been completely disproved. It is the job of a doctor to share information with a patient’s family to avoid any confusion. That way, parents are aware of what is going on and they do not try and refuse an exemption. Medical exemptions should be the only exemptions allowed so parents do not put their child and others at risk because of their misinformation.

The benefits of immunizing your child outweigh the risks. For starters, the diseases that are vaccinated for have vaccines for a reason. They are dangerous childhood illnesses that can have grave effects like paralyzation, and even death. Thankfully, with the the development of vaccines, we have lived without ever coming into contact with  these illnesses. To ensure their safety, vaccines are constantly monitored when they are put out on the market.

Despite being so amazing though, naturally acquired immunity is stronger than vaccinations. According to the World Health Organization, depending on the person, vaccines are only 85%-95% effective. Naturally acquired immunity ensures that the person cannot get the disease again. Further, in some cases, such as the measles outbreak in California in 2014-15, some of the infected population included people who got the measles vaccination. However, the risks of getting natural immunity can be worse than any effect of a vaccine. It works, but only if the person survives the disease. Vaccines are created to tackle illnesses that have show grave effects on society, like measles which claimed the lives of many at its peak. Attempting natural immunity not only puts your child at a great risk, it risks spreading the disease to others.

Vaccines contain ingredients some are not comfortable with injecting into their child. These include aluminum, thimerosal, and formaldehyde. The concern is around the dosages being administered to infants. However, there is not enough of these chemicals in vaccines to cause any complications despite the number of vaccines administered. The dosage is negligible, meaning close to zero, and designed to be safe for people of all ages. Vaccines go through years of testing and are monitored while on the market to ensure their safety, and these components have not shown any health risks.

Aluminum is used as an adjuvant in vaccines, which boosts the body’s immune response to the vaccination. Aluminum can be dangerous in large enough doses and cause bone, brain, and lung diseases. According to the U.S Food and Drug Administration, aluminum in vaccines have been safe for over six decades, and a study by the FDA “determined that the risk to infants posed by the total aluminum exposure… is extremely low.” In fact, infants are exposed to more aluminum in their first 6 months than they are in one vaccination. Formaldehyde can also be dangerous because it can change someone’s DNA and cause cancer. But like aluminum, the dosage is important because it is only dangerous in high amounts. Further, it is produced naturally in the body in numbers greater than what is contained in vaccines. The FDA also states that people are at a higher risk at contracting cancer from formaldehyde when it is breathed in. Thimerosal is used as a preservative in vaccines.  It is a mercury containing compound, which is alarming. Mercury is infamous for how ill it can make someone, and having something that is known to be dangerous be put in vaccines sets a lot of people off. The thing is, mercury found in fish, methylmercury, is different from mercury in vaccines, which is ethylmercury. The body processes ethylmercury at a faster rate and does not accumulate in the body unlike methylmercury. And due to the public’s discontent, it was removed from vaccines. The only vaccine that still contains it is the influenza vaccine, and thimerosal-free options are available.

Another concern around the ingredients is around the reactions it can cause. Reactions range from mild to adverse (severe). Mild side effects are common and treatable. These include fevers and rashes. The fear lies in the more adverse effects. The likelihood of someone having an adverse reaction is around one in one to two million, and many people fear that their child may fall into that statistic. Cases recorded by the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) include effects like encephalitis and death after the administration of a vaccination. However, some of these cases are purely coincidental. According to historyofvaccines.org, “Not all adverse effects reported to VAERS are in fact caused by a vaccination. The two occurrences may be related in time only.” The likelihood of a child contracting a vaccine preventable disease and suffering from it is much greater than a child getting an adverse effect receiving a vaccine.

Some people argue that these diseases have been eradicated in the United States, but the World Health Organization states that diseases like measles that have been eradicated exist in other areas. Travelers who are infected pose a danger to those who are not vaccinated. The CDC states, “The most frequent sources of importations were unvaccinated U.S. travelers returning from abroad, with subsequent transmissions among clusters of unvaccinated persons.” An example of this is an outbreak in Ohio from missionaries traveling back from the Philippines, where measles had not been eradicated.

Outbreaks such as this one are linked to an idea known as herd immunity. Individuals who cannot get vaccinated, like newborn babies, the elderly, and the ill rely on herd immunity to keep themselves safe. The idea is that if a certain percentage of the population is vaccinated, it is harder for the illness to circulate. But if the percentage of vaccinated individuals falls below the threshold, the illness spreads rapidly. For measles, 93-95% of the population is required to be vaccinated to keep the disease contained. In Brooklyn where there is an ongoing outbreak, the vaccination rates of the Orthodox Jewish community is below the 93-95% threshold. Tyler Pager and Jeffery Mays from The New York Times state “…there have been 285 confirmed cases since the outbreak began in the fall; 21 of those cases led to hospitalizations, including five admissions to the intensive care unit.” In this case and others like it, communities who do not have the needed vaccination rates will experience larger outbreaks that spread faster. This is dangerous for those who rely on herd immunity.

At the end of the day, parents just want what is best for their child. But if it involves not vaccinating, it does not seem like the best of options. Vaccines have been around for decades and have shown significant results. We live in a place where the majority has never come into contact with these illnesses and it should stay that way. It is completely understandable why parents would be weary of vaccines, but it just comes down to picking the safest option for your child as well as everyone else. It might seem unfair to vaccinate your child for the greater good of the community, but opting out of vaccinating a child does not just affect the child, it affects anyone they come into contact with who has not been vaccinated. By eliminating all exceptions except medical, we can ensure that those who are unable to get vaccinated are protected by herd immunity. Without it, they would be exposed to diseases their body will not be able to fight off.  Eliminating non-medical exemptions can keep our community safe.

1. Background Information
   1. History of anti-vaxxers
      1. When first introduced, people thought vaccines were unnatural and wrong.
         1. Edward Jenner, smallpox vaccine
   2. How vaccines work
      1. Weakened pathogens are used for the body to create antibodies to fight off the disease if someone was to come into contact with it again.
   3. Types of exemptions
      1. Philosophical
         1. Infringes on someone’s personal ideologies or morals.
      2. Religious
         1. Some religious groups are against vaccination because it goes against their beliefs.
      3. Medical
         1. People who are immunocompromised or too young cannot receive vaccines.

Thesis: States should do away with non-medical exemptions and require parents to vaccinate their children.

1. The benefits of immunization outweigh the risks
   1. Decreases the risk of contracting deadly childhood diseases.
   2. Responsible for eradicating dangerous diseases.
   3. Protects children from fatal childhood illnesses.
2. Natural acquired immunity is stronger.
   1. Vaccines are not 100% effective
      1. Require multiple doses that may not be effective.
      2. In some cases, people who were affected by an outbreak were vaccinated.
   2. Vaccines contain harmful ingredients
      1. Formaldehyde
      2. Thimerosal
      3. Aluminum
   3. Vaccines can cause adverse effects that can do more harm than the disease itself.
      1. Severe infections
      2. Encephalitis
      3. Death
      4. Autism
3. Risking a child’s life for natural acquired immunity can have effects more dangerous than the vaccine itself. Though not 100 percent effective, it is better to be safe than sorry.
   1. Effects of childhood diseases that children have been vaccinated for.
   2. Vaccines are tested for safety and constantly reviewed while they are being administered.
      1. Dosages of ingredients are negligible and safe for babies and adults.
4. Diseases that people are vaccinated for have been eradicated, so vaccines are unnecessary.
   1. Vaccines for diseases were introduced around the time that they were not as common.
5. Though we do not see these illnesses as much in the states, they still exist in developing countries.
   1. Unvaccinated people who travel can spread the diseases.
      1. Measles outbreak in Ohio due to travelers returning from the Philippines, where it had not been eradicated.
6. People should be able to choose whether or not to vaccinate their kids
   1. Infringes on their freedom to choose
      1. Government should not intervene with personal medical decisions.
   2. Parents just want what’s best for their child.
      1. Parents know their child best and should be allowed to choose whether or not a vaccine will be good for them.
7. Not vaccinating your child is not only affecting the child and their family.
   1. Herd immunity
      1. Protects those who cannot get vaccinated.
      2. Decreases in herd immunity can be dangerous.
         1. Outbreaks in Europe due to a drop in vaccination rates.

With the topic of vaccines, I could have gone in depth about so many other things, but I chose to stick to the most important information. Researching was hard, but not as hard as it could have been. Using videos and talks I feel is best for me because I always find myself watching random informative videos. I actually got the idea for this paper after watching a John Oliver segment about vaccinations and ended up watching one of the documentaries he used a part of in his video. I also used Ted Talks and short informative videos for basic information. One of my video sources actually included links in the description for further information, and from there I condensed it to what was really important. I used a lot of official websites like the CDC and hospital websites, and made sure that any .orgs I used were safe as well because you never know with some of them. Condensing my information took a while because a lot of my sources gave a lot of information. I ended up getting so into it that I feel like I went through all the nooks and crannies of the CDC website digging for information. I tried my best to steer away from using too much of the information from the CDC website to use other sources and get other interpretations of the data. Citing as well was something I found sort of difficult. There were so many links I put into websites to create the citation and checking to see if the title, date, etc. was accurate was very tedious. I did not think I would end up using as many sources as I did. Frankly, I thought I would have at most 10 sources. I think I ended up with double that. I’m not sure how many sources is too many sources, so i’m hoping I did not end up going way too into it. I was not prepared to do this assignment because once again, waited until the last minute to begin writing. I started it on Saturday, but did not actually start getting into the writing ‘zone’ until Sunday, and I planned my time out very poorly and rushed to finish the assignment. I underestimated how much time I would have to invest actually researching and making sure my sources were reliable. I also struggled with figuring out what information to include to make sure the essay was informative but not too informative. Unlike the last assignment, I could not get away with doing this. I planned to push out a draft by Sunday night to send email for a critiques, and I could not even do that because of my poor planning. I ended up asking my sister and best friend (both of whom are in college) to review whatever I had and I used their advice to make my paper as good as possible. For the next paper, I planned changing my topic because i’m kind of tired of researching vaccines. But I do think it would be best to stick to the same topic considering I already have a plethora of information about it. And, judging by my habits, switching my topic out would not be the best choice.

Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Everybody!

Every kid dreams of going to Disneyland one day. After all, it is the place where dreams come true. But for some children and adults in 2014, it was the place where their worst nightmare came true. 147 cases of the measles were linked to Disneyland. Soon after, in June of 2015, Governor Brown signed a bill stating that a child cannot be exempt from vaccinations for reasons other than medical reasons, and vaccination rates vastly increased.

There are three kinds of vaccine exemption types: religious, philosophical, and medical. Religious exemptions are self-explanatory. If one is able to defend their faith and how it contradicts with vaccines, they can opt out of vaccinations as it interferes with their constitutional right to freedom of religion. Philosophical exemptions means that vaccines interferes with one’s personal beliefs and ideologies. Lastly, medical exemptions mean that a patient has a medical complication that does not allow them to be vaccinated. Vaccines were created with the intention of making diseases preventable, however some people are weary of vaccines and are hesitant to vaccinate themselves and their children.

The science behind these vital medical tools is fairly simple. Vaccines contain a weakened pathogen of a specific virus that trigger an immune response for your body to fight it off. This immune response creates antibodies that fight the infection off, but because the pathogen is so weak, they disperse. Memory cells then have the job to remember the pathogen and call forth the antibodies if one was to come into contact with the illness again (NOVA). In Stephanie Pappas’ article “How Do Vaccines Work?”, they stated that the pathogen “can’t cause an infection, but the immune system still sees them as an enemy and produces antibodies in response. After the threat has passed, many of the antibodies will break down, but immune cells called memory cells remain in the body.” With this, it can be understood that the pathogen will not actually make you sick, it mimics the disease so your body is able to fight it off if you were to contact the illness in the future.

Some people however, are not able to receive vaccinations. Infants who are not old enough to receive vaccinations, the elderly, and anyone who is immunocompromised are not able to defend themselves from these illnesses. They rely on something known as herd immunity to keep themselves safe. Herd immunity requires a certain percent of the population to be vaccinated in order to ensure that the illness does not circulate around the community. According to Dr. Lindsay Levkoff Diamond, 95% of a population must be vaccinated from the measles to protect those who are not able to. Even the slightest dip in these percentages can be dangerous. In France in 2008, the percentage of individuals vaccinated against measles was around 89%. A patient zero returning from a trip to Austria infected her friends and the results were grave. Measles, being an air-borne illness, is extremely contagious. By 2011, there were around 15,000 cases of measles, and 6 people died (NOVA). Travel plays a big part in the spreading of these infectious diseases. Though the United States may not see these diseases as often, developing countries are still working to fight against these illnesses. Having unvaccinated people come from these countries can result in an outbreak. In fact, the measles outbreak in France of 2011 caused an outbreak in the United States. The dangers of these illnesses are very clear, so why are people hesitating to vaccinate their children?

The Risks and Benefits of Vaccinations

Vaccines are responsible for eradicating once popular and fatal diseases such as measles, polio, smallpox, and dozens of others. They are so good at what they do that people have not seen these illnesses for decades, and some do not even know they exist. Before vaccines were invented, people faced the risk of contracting diseases that could end up killing or paralyzing them. They are also probably one of the safest medical tools available. Vaccines go through years of testing before being proved to be potent, pure, and sterlite (Vaccines.gov), and once they are, they are still routinely checked when they are put out into the market.

Like any medical tool, vaccines can cause a reaction in patients. Vaccines are designed to be safe for both children an adults, but reactions in both parties are bound to happen. Most of the mild effects are common throughout all vaccines, but it differs. Mild reactions are not uncommon, and they include fevers, rashes, and redness around where the shot was administered. Other effects, like fainting and allergic reactions are not life-threatening, but are still worrying. But the adverse are what causes parents to delay or not administer vaccinations. Adverse effects are rare and differ with the patient. The chances of someone having a serious reaction to a vaccination are 1 in 1,000,000 and for some parents, it is a scary statistic. The Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) was put in place to document any sort of severe reaction from a vaccine. These reactions can include things like encephalitis (swelling of the brain), and sometimes even death. The likelihood of these events happening are so small, yet it is a big concern in parents whether or not their child will be that one in a million.

To avoid any adverse effects, some parents choose to skip a vaccine and allow their child to receive something known as natural immunity. Receiving natural acquired immunity, in which you contract the disease and your body becomes naturally immune, can be a very dangerous thing. Naturally acquired immunity can be stronger, but the risk of doing so is heavy. Vaccinations are not created for minuscule illness; they are created for illnesses that have plagued our society before and have had monumental casualties. Natural immunity only works if the person survives. That being said, vaccines are not 100% effective. According to the World Health Organization, “ For reasons related to the individual, not all vaccinated persons develop immunity. Most routine childhood vaccines are effective for 85% to 95% of recipients.” Receiving a vaccination, though it may not be entirely effective, has saved millions of lives around the globe. According to the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), before the measles vaccine, there were 503,282 annual cases. After the introduction of the vaccine, only 71 cases were recorded in 2009, showing a 99.9% decrease in the illness.  Risking a child’s life in attempt to receive natural acquired immunity can be more consequential than getting the vaccine itself.

Aluminum, Formaldehyde, Thimerosal, Oh My!

Vaccines contain chemicals. And with anything, a large enough dosage can be fatal. Vaccine hesitant people are weary with vaccination schedules due to the amount of vaccinations administered in one visit and the dosages of things such as formaldehyde, thimerosal, and aluminum. The thing is, the dosages of these things is negligible, meaning close to zero. Focusing on aluminium, it is used as an adjuvant in vaccines which increases immune response to the vaccine. According to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, a child will have had a larger intake of aluminum within their first six months of life in comparison to the intake of aluminum from a vaccine. Furthermore, according to the U.S Food and Drug Administration, “Aluminum adjuvant containing vaccines have a demonstrated safety profile of over six decades of use and have only uncommonly been associated with severe local reactions. Of note, the most common source of exposure to aluminum is from eating food or drinking water.”  The dosage is designed to be safe for infants and adults, hence why it takes years for a vaccine to be proven safe after various tests.

Formaldehyde is another component of vaccines that raises concern. The purpose of this chemical is to ensure the virus in the vaccine does not infect the patient, as well as detoxify bacteria toxins (U.S Food and Drug Administration). This ingredient, in a large enough dose, can alter one’s DNA and lead to cancer. The National Toxicology Program (NTP), as well as other governmental sources have considered formaldehyde to be a carcinogen. Understandably, parents fear the effects that can come with this ingredient. However, formaldehyde is produced naturally in our bodies and is used in building materials, as well as in household products.  

Thimerosal was a preservative that was used to prevent the growth of bacteria in vaccinations during the manufacturing of vaccines. Though it was removed once the process was finished, trace amounts still remained. It is a mercury containing compound, with a mercury known as ethylmercury. The difference between the mercury in fish and in thimerosal is important because while methylmercury (mercury in fish) can cause harm, according to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia “Ethylmercury is broken down and excreted much more rapidly than methylmercury. Therefore, ethylmercury (the type of mercury in the influenza vaccine) is much less likely than methylmercury (the type of mercury in the environment) to accumulate in the body and cause harm.” Eventually, after public backlash and fear of being linked to Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), thimerosal was removed from all vaccinations that contained it before 2001. The only vaccination nowadays that still contains thimerosal is the influenza vaccination, and thimerosal-free options are available.

The Invisible Link to Autism

There is little known about how people end up with autism. Some information points to autism being genetic and how factors during pregnancy can affect whether or not a child ends up autistic. According to the U.S National Library of Medicine, “Most of the gene variations have only a small effect, and variations in many genes can combine with environmental risk factors, such as parental age, birth complications, and others that have not been identified, to determine an individual’s risk of developing this complex condition. Non-genetic factors may contribute up to about 40 percent of ASD risk.” Researchers still know little about the disorder but one thing is certain, vaccines do not cause autism.

A study published in the medical journal ‘The Lancet’ in 1998 had people up in arms about the the Measles, Mumps, Rubella (MMR) vaccine predisposing children to autism and causing bowel disorders. The claim was fitting, seeing as symptoms of autism in children begin to manifest around the age the vaccine is administered. But correlation does not equal causation, meaning just because autism rates may have increased as more vaccines were being administered does not mean that vaccines are the cause of it. According to Julia Belluz’s article “The Research Linking Autism to Vaccines is Even More Bogus Than You Think”, the research done was unethical. Andrew Wakefield, the lead author of the paper, gathered blood samples at his son’s birthday party and performed other invasive tests on the children such as colonoscopies and spinal taps (Harrell, TIME). After dozens of studies around the world were conducted, the paper was proven to be false. No one was able to find the link between the vaccine and autism. And despite the lack of an existing link, people still use autism as an excuse to not vaccinate their children.

Afterword

Vaccinations seem to be a revolutionary tool, yet some parents are hesitant on injecting these ‘scary’ chemicals into their children’s body. The science behind vaccines is so exact, and if it was not, it would not be administered to infants and children. The reasons behind vaccine hesitancy vary from the fear of their effects, to their ingredients, to an unjustifiable link to a neurological developmental disorder. The fear is understandable, but the benefits provided by vaccines can save children from contracting very serious illnesses that can cost their lives, and choosing to not vaccinate based on falsities puts defenseless people at harm. As Norvina, the president of Anastasia Beverly Hills Cosmetics once said, “Just vaccinate your children or move to a deserted island, you’re not that special to put everyone else at risk.”

I think this assignment was fair for our first, since we’ve just started this course and it doesn’t require any extensive research or interpretation on outside information. I really had to dig deep into my younger self and figure out what it was that got me into writing and how it grew overtime. I wasn’t even going to go through with the idea I wrote out. It was one of three options: how I came to love reading, this one essay I literally broke into tears over, or my history with writing, which was the one I ended up doing. One reason I chose it was to fulfill the page requirement, because I felt like I should take advantage of it to write as much as I could. Obviously quality goes over quantity, but I wanted to make it as engaging as I could, so I chose a topic I could expand on as much as possible.

It took me some time to plan out the direction I wanted my essay to go into, which is unfortunate since I waited until the last minute to write and revise my essay (Literally, it’s 10:19 as I write this. Awful, I know, but my I like to think that my writing is best under pressure) . Nonetheless, I still think I did kind of good. For my first college-level writing piece, I’m kind of nervous to see how my writing is at a college writing standard. I like to think of myself as a good writer, but I don’t know how my writing comes off to a college professor.

At the start of every school year, teachers always propose the same question: What are your academic strengths and weaknesses?  For strengths, my answer has remained the same for years; writing. I consider my history with writing interesting to say the least. Growing up, I was always flowing with creativity and energy.  I loved imagining I was roaming the streets of Paris clad in a striped turtleneck topped with a beret, sipping on a coffee in a cafe with a view of the Eiffel Tower. Some situations were way out of the ordinary, like the one where I was stranded on a barren planet full of giant foods.  Conjuring up scenarios like this was like second nature to me, and writing gave me the ability to relay these stories and make them worthwhile.

The first time I can recall truly enjoying writing was at the age of eight in the third grade.  At the start of the school year, my teacher told us about our writing journal. She said in this journal, we would have to write every night about anything we wanted.  My classmates sucked their teeth, but I sat there excited with my eyes wide and gleaming, already creating stories in my head. I always looked forward to sitting at my stained brown coffee table, taking out that pink and black checkered notebook and writing the first idea that popped in my head.  I wrote jokes, comics, murder mysteries, and so many other kinds of interesting stories.  I even made some short series, like Vampiressa and Stolen Then Missing.

Coming from a gifted and talented elementary class, I was always open to the idea of sharing my stories with my friends and classmates.  We had all been in the same class for five years, and some of my friends were amazing writers, so I was always happy to take in their input to improve my writing.  My writing was not super strong, and I had yet to find my identity as an actual writer. I think this was a major turning point in my writing history. Understanding that you can always do better is what makes you do better.  If I were to have had the mentality that my writing was outstanding (which it was very far from), I would have never been able to truly call myself a writer and improve myself.

With that comfortable feeling, my best friend and I published The Fight For Survival on a website called Wattpad.  It was a twenty-four chapter apocalyptic fiction story following a group of teenagers through their everyday lives during a zombie apocalypse.  Having an audience was pretty interesting because it got me to think: how can I blow their minds? This got me thinking outside the box. What new characters could I introduce to create tension within the friend group?  How could a character’s passiveness at the start of the story play a part in the ending?

I continued writing every day on Wattpad going into middle school.  However, my writing changed from short adventure stories to awfully sappy and cliché fanfiction about a band called 5 Seconds of Summer.  As embarrassing as it is to admit, at one point I became so engrossed with writing fanfiction that I filled an entire notebook with ideas and writings.  Unlike before though, I was reluctant to share my writing with anyone. No one-and I mean no one-other than my best friend, was to know about my stories.  The idea of having people who I barely knew read something like fanfiction put me into panic mode.  I felt that having people know that I spent so much of my time writing, fanfiction especially, would subject me to an unimaginable amount of ridicule.  With Wattpad it was different. I was not seeing my audience every day, nor did I have to see their menacing faces every day in the halls.  I wanted to keep it all my own little secret.

But one day, my worst nightmare came true.  I forgot my notebook in my science classroom.  I even remembered the exact location of it: next to my desk, on top of the radiator, in front of the calculators and notebooks.  I did not bother reacting to the situation, I just accepted the fact that my social life that had not even started was going to end.  A friend of mine in another class found it, and eleven-year-old me could not believe her ears when she was handed the notebook. My friend found it cool that I was writing fanfiction. I realized then that sharing my writing with strangers should not be something scary.  I should be open to the idea of getting a stranger’s opinion on my writing. That way, they would not feel compelled to sugar-coat their critiques to spare my feelings, because they had no reason to.

Now, the flame that was my love for writing has burnt out.  The last full-length story I wrote was around 3 years ago. I always have these spurts of inspiration and creativity every once and a while, but by the second or third paragraph the idea ends up bleak and I give up on it completely.  Rather than being a hobby, now writing feels like a chore. And at times like that, I always ask myself “Why can I not write anymore?” and “What could possibly be the reason as to why I stopped doing something I loved so much?”  These questions constantly bore through my head and I have yet to find the answer. For now, all I can do is push myself to keep writing every day and see where it takes me.  Obviously, that spark of creativity will not come immediately, but patience is a virtue. Hopefully, I can get to where I want to be with my writing and feel that excitement from 8 years ago once again.

Growing up, I was always flowing with creativity and energy. I loved imagining I was roaming the streets of Paris clad in a striped turtleneck topped with a beret, sipping on a coffee in a cafe with a view of the Eiffel Tower. Some situations were way out of the ordinary, like the one where I was stranded on a barren planet full of giant foods.  Conjuring up scenarios like this was like second nature to me, and writing gave me the ability to relay these stories and make them worthwhile.

   The first time I can recall truly enjoying writing and doing it consistently was at the age of eight in the third grade. At the start of the school year, my teacher told us about our writing journal. She said in this journal, we would have to write every night about anything we wanted. My classmates sucked their teeth, but I sat there excited with my eyes wide and gleaming already creating stories in my head. I always looked forward to sitting at my stained brown coffee table, taking out that pink and black checkered notebook, and writing the first idea that popped in my head. I wrote awful jokes, comics, murder mysteries and so many other kinds of interesting stories. I even made some short series, like Vampiressa and Stolen Then Missing.

   From then on, I always considered English my favorite subject. Though essays were tedious and reading passages was tiresome, creative made up for all the negative feelings I felt towards other assignments. In fifth grade, I had a fictional narrative assignment. Minecraft was the fad at the time, and I wrote six pages about my friends and I venturing out around the vast realm and coming across a glitch in the game named Herobrine.  My best friend and I even published a story online on a website called Wattpad called . It was a 24 chapter apocalyptic fiction story following a group of teenagers through a zombie apocalypse. Writing it out and tying loose ends was tough, but the satisfaction I felt after completing and publishing a new chapter drove me to expand my writing repertoire.

   I continued writing everyday on Wattpad going into middle school. However, my writing changed from short adventure stories to awfully sappy and cliche fanfiction about a band called 5 Seconds of Summer. As embarrassing as it is to admit, at one point I became so engrossed with writing fanfiction that I filled an entire notebook with ideas and writings.

   Now, the flame that was my love for writing has burnt out. The last full-length story I wrote was around 3 years ago. I always have these spurts of inspiration and creativity every once and a while, but by the second or third paragraph it ends up bleak and I give up on it completely. Rather than being a hobby, now writing feels like a chore. And at times like that, I always ask myself why can I not write anymore? What could possibly be the reason as to why I stopped doing something I loved so much? These questions constantly bore through my head and I have yet to find the answer. For now, all I can do is push myself to keep writing every day and see where it takes me. Obviously that spark of creativity will not come immediately, but patience is a virtue. Hopefully, I can get to where I want to be with my writing and feel that excitement again.